hey :)

i write this blog for one of my friends, i want to tell what i feel but i don't know how to tell it to you. so i decided to write here but i'm not sure you will read it. honestly it's about our problem, maybe it isn't called a problem but i feel there is something wrong between us. if we remembered, at the first time we didn't know each other then suddenly we often chatting on msn. we shared our story and it felt like i have known you since a long time. i didn't know why, maybe because at that time both of us were broken hearted and felt the same feeling so we became friends easily. as i know, you're introvert person so when you shared your story to me however it's not important to you, i felt so happy because you trusted me for being your friend. i was also happy when you asked my opinion about your tag line for your student council. at that time i couldn't help you at all, just could pray for you and hope you would be accepted. when i made some pictures for helping your promotion, it was too late but you still appreciated it. then when you supported me to get the scholarship you sent me some email and told me how to get it, you also prayed for me too.thanks a lot my friend :) but sorry finally i just made you disappointed. as the time passed, i felt something wrong with my feeling. i was scared of falling for you and sometimes i thought this feeling didn't real. so i tried to hide and hope it would be disappeared asap.then i concluded maybe i didn't fall for you, i just like you, i just like you as a good friend. that's the best conclusion that i can think. reminding the time when i said that i have forgotten my ex crush but i still made some status for him, sorry i lied. and now i promise i won't fall for him again,i don't want to be a fool :P maybe since that time you won't trust me anymore, right?in the past we often chat on msn, but now we seldom do it. to be honest i just want you to share your stories like in the past and being your trusted friend again. i know you have fallen for someone, because sometimes i read your blog and twitter but it doesn't mean i'm your stalker, i just want to know how are you now because it feels i like a stranger who never know you at all whereas in the past you shared your story to me. everytime i ask you, you always said i'm 'sotoy' -.- i hope you aren't getting angry if you read this post, i just want to say what i feel inside. it's up to you if you still called me 'sotoy' or stalker but i'm not that ones. if you think it's better for me to don't know anything about you, i will appreciate you decision too. sorry for my a lot of stupid questions which disturb you. in the end of this post i want to say "all the best for you, friend :) "

hurts the most

It's been a long time
Since the last time, I saw you
Feels like nothing changed since we've been together
I must admit that I go crazy 'bout you

And I can see it in your eyes
That there's something you want to say to me
Cause usually right now you'd be holding on to me
But instead you're telling me

The things have changed, they're not the same
And recently you found someone that you
Decided to dedicate your whole life to
And what we had has got to be through

And what hurts the most is letting go
I just want you to know that I love you so
I know things are different now, you've gone and settled down
And I thought for sure you'd always wait for me

I'll tell you what hurts the most is I should have took the chance
Boy, when you came to me and offered me your hand
Silly of me, I thought, I'd always have your heart
I had the chance to have all the love, how I'm missing you now

I hate that there is someone new
Coming in and taking my place
Doing the things that we used to do
And making love to you

And oh, what am I supposed to do?
It's killing me 'cause I want you
And you should have known my love was true
And there's no one else in this world for me but you

I know that I'm the one to blame for losing you
I really, really wish that I could be happy for you
There's just one thing I need you to do
Don't you touch her like you used to touch me
Don't you love her like you really need me
Don't you love her like you used to love me

What hurts the most is letting go
Just to let you know, I love you so
What hurts the most.....

hatethissomuch

i hate when people lie to me and they don't tell the truth however i've known the truth but they still keep lying

i hate when people break their promise whatever the reasons are. if they can't fulfill their promise, they shouldn't make it

i hate when people talk behind my back. just tell to me directly because i will accept it if i think it's true

i hate when people felt so hopeless and they said no one care to them anymore.in fact, God is still care to them,right?remember He never leaves His children

i hate when people never feel graceful in their life because there are so many people whose life is worse than them but they still feel graceful

i hate when people want to know my secret but they don't allow me to know their secret

i hate when people CHANGE!!when people i was so close with can become just another stranger that i don't know

and the last one i hate how the people who can make me smile is the one who made me cry

apple tree :)

i have read an article which is very GREAT and then i try to draw this picture with paint (it's really hard and take a long time -.-) long time i don't update my blog because this week is so damn busy. after update my blog i have to study biology aaa i really hate it. there are a lot of tests this week and it happens almost everyday!really need holiday asap :p now, i will write what this picture about.here it is....
girls are like apples on trees. the best ones are at the top of the tree. the boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. so the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're AMAZING. they just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who's BRAVE enough to climb all the way to the top oh the tree :D

heartbreak

this is for the broken hearted. i know how you feel. empty, betrayed, and no happiness whatsoever. you don't want to laugh, because you know it's not going to help, but you don't want to cry, because it will just make you feel worse. you feel like your heart is falling apart, but not only that, but you know soon your life is going to feel like it's falling apart too. you don't think it will never end, and no matter what this person has done to you, it feels impossible to stop loving them. and everyone wonders why if they have hurt you so much, then why do you still love them. that's the confusing part, you don't know why, you just do, and the people who hurt you the most, and normally the ones you love the most. and then, after a few weeks, you finally feel the sense of relief, like you're getting happy again, but you know inside that you're just going into denial. and after few more weeks, you're back to where you were "an empty soul and teary eye". you thought you got over them, but really, you just stop showing it. and you can't help but to show it again. it leaves deep scars on your heart that are there forever. and no one understands what you feel, and how deep you are hurt, no matter who they are, because it hasn't happen to them. and even if it has, every broken heart is different. they don't know the true pain you feel and carry each everyday now, so you learn that basically you are alone with all this. and the feeling start to overwhelm you, and suddenly you just break down, right there, because you know you have had enough, the tears just instantly start flowing, and you're to the point where you don't care to see's. because you've spent so many nights lying awake in bed, and so many days being haunted by the scars and fear of rejection. and the midst of all these tears, you know its not helping any, and it's not going to bring them back, if you ever even have them in the first place. after about a million tears have been cried, you finally pull yourself back together and keep going. your throat starts to clench and your eyes burn with the tears you are trying to hold back. everyone says "it will be OK.." but you know it won't. and that's is the truth, it won't. and you look back on all of the hurt you have from this, and you realize that people are horrible. you're still hurt, but you've learned to hide it so that everyone thinks you're OK. so now, everyone you see this person, you know you still love them, and you feel a slight tingle in your heart yearning for them to love you, screaming out, but for some reason they don't hear it. and then you sit back and wonder how one person could have caused all of this..

IF.....

hmm i don't know from where i should start the story. it's about my ex crush and i. after we graduated 10th grade my friends asked me to go to the cinema with my ex crush and some of my friends. we had fun together and there were some stories which make me reminding him again. first, when we entered the cinema, we walked behind the others and he touched my head. second, he always walked beside or near me but i didn't know it was happened by accident or not. and last the most unforgetable one when we walked back to the school, he was in the front and i was at the back but suddenly he walked more slowly so he was beside me and the others were in front of us. both of us walked together at the back and had a lot of conversations. honestly, i really missed that time. in my birthday party he came with his friends. i took some photos with everyone who came including him. we took 3 photos and when i cut the birthday cake, i must gave it to someone special and i gave to him. we had a lot of pictures in that moment. after we arrived at home, we texted each other and he said he felt really happy because of the cake and i said to him about what i felt at that time. i was very happy but i knew i shouldn't did it because the condition was different than in the past. he asked me to send our photos. i won't upload it,let it be our memory,only he and i :) the next day we still texted like in the past. does it mean i give him a second chance?my friend said that i couldn't lie to myself, i said i want to forget him but my heart felt hurt if i did it. aaaaa i still confused about my feeling right now. i don't know what should i do because i'm scared of falling for him again. and sometimes i want to ask : God, don't You allowed me to forget him?because when i tried it i would dream about him and it made me reminding him again. and why does everything always come so late? if everything happened in the past....................................................

blue tomorrow

When it’s tomorrow, we agree not to meet again
Sitting in the shop at the end of the road, I ordered a cup of missing you
When it’s tomorrow, we can only let love pass by
Before daybreak, two persons’ smiling faces become a yellowed photograph

Around me Loneliness is spreading
Vision is being blurred by tears
I left “I love you” at the bottom of my heart and put them on the tip of my lips

When it’s tomorrow, you will leave my side
When it’s tomorrow, I will wish upon a shooting star alone
Just like the ending of a movie
Our ending fulfilled the prediction of tears
Broken promises all over the ground, the yesterday that cannot be pieced together again
But I still look forward to the appearance of a miracle
Your shadow is drifting further and further away.

Love is still lingering in my room
Before the memory becomes real, in a moment
It felt like you were in front of my eyes

Without you, love starts to hibernate
Loneliness will occupy every day
I stand under the streetlight, on the side of the cold street
That place where we once embraced
Is the roof under which we once seek shelter from the rain together

I still reminisce the past when we were in love
I’m still waiting for you to come back to my side
Tears are falling on the side of my cold pillow
I hit pause on time until you appear again
I cannot stand each of the days without you

I love you, it will not change
I’ll be loving you till eternity