the day

Today is exactly the fifth month since that day, the day that I knew would come, the day that I was scared the most. Time flies, people change, so do you, the one who has been in my life for almost three years is no longer here anymore…

Long story I guess, and I don’t want to recall all the memories because I don’t want to open the wound anymore. Back to five years ago, it was hurt and I was scared when you came, suddenly you tried to heal the wound that you have left. I prayed for strength, slowly opening this fragile heart and you managed to enter it. You tried to fix it, and I was surprised that works, it really works for almost 3 years. No more pain, and I was glad you came to help me recover from the pains…

I thought everything will be different from that day, I thought it will be the end of the pains but I was wrong and too naïve. I trust too much, and I love too much. People say, you can’t guarantee someone to love you as much you did. I used to think, love covers everything, love will heal every pain. As long as you are being sincere and do it with all your heart, good things will happen to you. However, the important things that I forgot, love is a sacrifice and love hurts…

The day when you came, I agreed that was the best decision for us. We should improve ourselves, focus on our own goals, and be closer to God. I accept all the blames that you said to me. I knew what was my mistakes and yeap, it’s my fault, not able to be someone that you expect me to be. Then, in just a short time, you suddenly hit me again “indirectly”. You just open the wound easily while I'm still struggling to recover. It is too painful for me, too much tears that has come out until I can’t feel anything at all…

There are a lot of questions in my mind, but my heart is too tired to search the answers because it will just hurt my heart more and more. I don’t know if I actually have a right to be disappointed or not. Honestly, it just really hurts, more hurt than before, even the scars from the past come back and make the pains even worse...

All I can do is just pray. Pray for you, and pray for me. I believe God provides greater things ahead in my life. All these pains will be the song of joy according to His time. It’s really God who makes me able to face you. It’s really God who gives me strength so I still able to smile when I see you. It’s really God who knows how hurts the pains are. As much as I want to hate you, I just can’t because I know it won’t help me to heal the pain, and God also doesn't want me to hate you...

“One day tears will dry, scars will heal, heart will mend, and I will dance again.”