something is missing

I'm not alone, I wish I was
Cause then I'd know, I was down because
I couldn't find, a friend around
To love me like, they do right now
They do right now

I'm dizzy from the shopping malls
I searched for joy, but I bought it all
It doesn't help the hunger pains
and a thirst I'd have to drown first to ever satiate

Something's missing
And I don't know how to fix it
something's missing
And I don't know what it is

When autumn comes, it doesn't ask
It just walks in, where it left you last
And you never know, when it starts
Until there's fog inside the glass around your summer heart

Something's missing
And I don't know how to fix it
something's missing
And I don't know what it is
At all

I can't be sure that this state of mind, is not of my own design
I wish there was an over the counter test, for loneliness
For loneliness like this

Something's missing
And I don't know how to fix it
Something's missing
And I don't know what it is

No I don't know what it is
Something's different
And i don't know what it is
No I don't know what it is

How come everything I think I need, always comes with batteries
What do you think it means

John Mayer

my confession

yaaap this is my confession of falling for a boy. i'm a type of girls who not easy to fall for someone,but not so hard too. the hardest part about fall for someone is starting first. i don't know what should i do, always facing two options. first, should i show my feeling to him?or second, should i keep waiting and hope until he will like me too? if i think about that, i don't know what is the correct one because if i show my feeling, i think it isn't good enough for girls to show it first, it's like too aggressive -.-" and i don't like being like that. but why some of my friends have different opinion from me? some of them choose to show it for example, when the boy's birthday she called him first and made a cake by herself. if she is his gf or his crush it isn't a problem but if she's just his friend does it sound too exaggerate?when the result is the boy fall for her too, it's good. but how if the boy feel disturbed by her act?the second option, if i keep waiting when will the boy see me or know about my feeling? just hope a miracle comes lol. maybe that's why i always lose from the other girls. i don't have any effort to get what i want. my other confession, for me it's very hard to forget someone who was so close to me.but why it seems so easy for the others? for example, my friends have a relationship almost one year but when they broke up after two months later both of them have the new one -.- when we talk about love everything is confusing. it can make us happy and sad at the same time. now i'm 16th already and i never have a relationship but it isn't a big problem for me because i know God has deserved someone who will be my perfect prince someday. there will be a right person in the right time!and having a lot of ex isn't something that can be proud of lol. for now, the important one is make God,my family and friend proud of me :)PS : dear my prince charming, i don't know who you are now. you can be one of my friends or a stranger who i never know before. but i know you will come someday and God deserves you for me to make my love story has a happy ending :D

hey :)

i write this blog for one of my friends, i want to tell what i feel but i don't know how to tell it to you. so i decided to write here but i'm not sure you will read it. honestly it's about our problem, maybe it isn't called a problem but i feel there is something wrong between us. if we remembered, at the first time we didn't know each other then suddenly we often chatting on msn. we shared our story and it felt like i have known you since a long time. i didn't know why, maybe because at that time both of us were broken hearted and felt the same feeling so we became friends easily. as i know, you're introvert person so when you shared your story to me however it's not important to you, i felt so happy because you trusted me for being your friend. i was also happy when you asked my opinion about your tag line for your student council. at that time i couldn't help you at all, just could pray for you and hope you would be accepted. when i made some pictures for helping your promotion, it was too late but you still appreciated it. then when you supported me to get the scholarship you sent me some email and told me how to get it, you also prayed for me too.thanks a lot my friend :) but sorry finally i just made you disappointed. as the time passed, i felt something wrong with my feeling. i was scared of falling for you and sometimes i thought this feeling didn't real. so i tried to hide and hope it would be disappeared asap.then i concluded maybe i didn't fall for you, i just like you, i just like you as a good friend. that's the best conclusion that i can think. reminding the time when i said that i have forgotten my ex crush but i still made some status for him, sorry i lied. and now i promise i won't fall for him again,i don't want to be a fool :P maybe since that time you won't trust me anymore, right?in the past we often chat on msn, but now we seldom do it. to be honest i just want you to share your stories like in the past and being your trusted friend again. i know you have fallen for someone, because sometimes i read your blog and twitter but it doesn't mean i'm your stalker, i just want to know how are you now because it feels i like a stranger who never know you at all whereas in the past you shared your story to me. everytime i ask you, you always said i'm 'sotoy' -.- i hope you aren't getting angry if you read this post, i just want to say what i feel inside. it's up to you if you still called me 'sotoy' or stalker but i'm not that ones. if you think it's better for me to don't know anything about you, i will appreciate you decision too. sorry for my a lot of stupid questions which disturb you. in the end of this post i want to say "all the best for you, friend :) "

hurts the most

It's been a long time
Since the last time, I saw you
Feels like nothing changed since we've been together
I must admit that I go crazy 'bout you

And I can see it in your eyes
That there's something you want to say to me
Cause usually right now you'd be holding on to me
But instead you're telling me

The things have changed, they're not the same
And recently you found someone that you
Decided to dedicate your whole life to
And what we had has got to be through

And what hurts the most is letting go
I just want you to know that I love you so
I know things are different now, you've gone and settled down
And I thought for sure you'd always wait for me

I'll tell you what hurts the most is I should have took the chance
Boy, when you came to me and offered me your hand
Silly of me, I thought, I'd always have your heart
I had the chance to have all the love, how I'm missing you now

I hate that there is someone new
Coming in and taking my place
Doing the things that we used to do
And making love to you

And oh, what am I supposed to do?
It's killing me 'cause I want you
And you should have known my love was true
And there's no one else in this world for me but you

I know that I'm the one to blame for losing you
I really, really wish that I could be happy for you
There's just one thing I need you to do
Don't you touch her like you used to touch me
Don't you love her like you really need me
Don't you love her like you used to love me

What hurts the most is letting go
Just to let you know, I love you so
What hurts the most.....

hatethissomuch

i hate when people lie to me and they don't tell the truth however i've known the truth but they still keep lying

i hate when people break their promise whatever the reasons are. if they can't fulfill their promise, they shouldn't make it

i hate when people talk behind my back. just tell to me directly because i will accept it if i think it's true

i hate when people felt so hopeless and they said no one care to them anymore.in fact, God is still care to them,right?remember He never leaves His children

i hate when people never feel graceful in their life because there are so many people whose life is worse than them but they still feel graceful

i hate when people want to know my secret but they don't allow me to know their secret

i hate when people CHANGE!!when people i was so close with can become just another stranger that i don't know

and the last one i hate how the people who can make me smile is the one who made me cry

apple tree :)

i have read an article which is very GREAT and then i try to draw this picture with paint (it's really hard and take a long time -.-) long time i don't update my blog because this week is so damn busy. after update my blog i have to study biology aaa i really hate it. there are a lot of tests this week and it happens almost everyday!really need holiday asap :p now, i will write what this picture about.here it is....
girls are like apples on trees. the best ones are at the top of the tree. the boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. so the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're AMAZING. they just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who's BRAVE enough to climb all the way to the top oh the tree :D

heartbreak

this is for the broken hearted. i know how you feel. empty, betrayed, and no happiness whatsoever. you don't want to laugh, because you know it's not going to help, but you don't want to cry, because it will just make you feel worse. you feel like your heart is falling apart, but not only that, but you know soon your life is going to feel like it's falling apart too. you don't think it will never end, and no matter what this person has done to you, it feels impossible to stop loving them. and everyone wonders why if they have hurt you so much, then why do you still love them. that's the confusing part, you don't know why, you just do, and the people who hurt you the most, and normally the ones you love the most. and then, after a few weeks, you finally feel the sense of relief, like you're getting happy again, but you know inside that you're just going into denial. and after few more weeks, you're back to where you were "an empty soul and teary eye". you thought you got over them, but really, you just stop showing it. and you can't help but to show it again. it leaves deep scars on your heart that are there forever. and no one understands what you feel, and how deep you are hurt, no matter who they are, because it hasn't happen to them. and even if it has, every broken heart is different. they don't know the true pain you feel and carry each everyday now, so you learn that basically you are alone with all this. and the feeling start to overwhelm you, and suddenly you just break down, right there, because you know you have had enough, the tears just instantly start flowing, and you're to the point where you don't care to see's. because you've spent so many nights lying awake in bed, and so many days being haunted by the scars and fear of rejection. and the midst of all these tears, you know its not helping any, and it's not going to bring them back, if you ever even have them in the first place. after about a million tears have been cried, you finally pull yourself back together and keep going. your throat starts to clench and your eyes burn with the tears you are trying to hold back. everyone says "it will be OK.." but you know it won't. and that's is the truth, it won't. and you look back on all of the hurt you have from this, and you realize that people are horrible. you're still hurt, but you've learned to hide it so that everyone thinks you're OK. so now, everyone you see this person, you know you still love them, and you feel a slight tingle in your heart yearning for them to love you, screaming out, but for some reason they don't hear it. and then you sit back and wonder how one person could have caused all of this..