T.I.R.E.D

this month i always sleep after 2a.m almost everyday
i don't know why november always not so good to me
a lot of thoughts always come before i'm going to sleep
actually i don't know what exactly i was thinking about
everything just comes out every night and make myself feel so hard to close my eyes and sleep

i guess i'm just tired..
tired of the situation that always make me can't sleep at the right time
tired of being tired, not because of my final school project, it's because i'm tired so i can't think clearly, it is so disturbing and i'm scared i can't get through this well
tired of pretending that i'm alright, but i don't like to show this to the people. i don't want when people see me they know if i have a problem. i don't like being asked "what happen" because they just pretend to care, they don't really care
tired of taking a pity to myself. i care too much to other people feeling until i forget if i have a feeling that want to be cared by others too :')

it makes me hate myself..
i hate myself who pretend to be strong when actually i'm not
i hate myself who can't talk and show my feeling in front of the others easily
i hate myself who just can write all my feeling on this blog
i hate myself who aren't strong enough to face all my problems by myself
i hate myself who always ask God to accompany me when i can't sleep

sorry God i bother You every night..
but i need Your strength to face all this things..

single vs relationship

hmm mungkin itu topik yang paling membingungkan buat dibahas..
gatau kenapa tiba2 pengen nge post tentang ini mungkin lagi galau juga kali ya :p

bisa dibilang saya orang yang tidak berpengalaman dalam masalah pacaran
belum pernah loo ._. tapi saya cukup bangga dan sedih haha
tapi emang dulu dari smp sampe sma emang gamau dulu soalnya belum merasa waktunya
sekarang udah kuliah dan udah 17 kadang pengen tau gimana rasanya
pengen tau gimana rasanya dicariin tiap hari, dianter jemput, malem minggu pergi bareng dll
kalo denger cerita temen2 saya kayanya rameee banget
deket dan pacaran itu beda katanya..

dari smp sampe sma paling pernahnya deket sama cowo
yang paling berkesan pas waktu sma, mungkin itu uda masuk ke tahap yang agak serius
ga cinta2 monyet kaya pas smp hahaha
tapi udahnya juga kandas di tengah jalan LOL cuma deket beberapa bulan
lumayan lama si deketnya, tapi karena suatu masalah *eis* yauda udahan..

tapi sebenernya kalo dipikir2 lagi, pacaran sekarang juga belum tentu kuat sampe nanti, jadi kaya gimana ya?
buat apa pacaran sekarang kalau nanti ujung2nya putus juga? ._.
lagian saya merasa cowo seumuran saya sekarang ini ga pada serius, ya walopun ga semua sii tapi bicara secara umum aja
kadang ngeliat temen2 saya kaya yang gampang buat dapet pacar, putus, dapet lagi yang laen..hmmm kenapa buat saya susah yaaa :(

kalau boleh pilih, saya lebih milih deket sama orang daripada terikat dalam suatu hubungan. tapi harus sama2 ada komitmen juga. tapi justru disitu susahnyaa
kalau ga terikat dengan suatu hubungan, makin banyak masalah yang mungkin terjadi haha
lagian komitmen sama kepercayaannya harus bener bener serius soalnya ga ada status
eh tapi jangan juga deh kaya gitu, beresiko tinggi!

yaa kadang suka galau liat orang laen punya orang yang bisa diandalin kalo ada apa2, ada orang yang selalu stand by kalo perlu apa2, yang bisa nemenin, care dan lain lain pokonya membuat kita merasa jadi orang yang paling penting dan diperlukan :D
ngeliat orang pacaran kalo malem minggu pergi bareng, saya disini?paling online dan diem di rumah LOL
dulu si bisa pergi bareng temen2 senasib lainnya haha, seudah pindah kesini jadi makin kerasa sepi. mungkin karena lingkungan baru juga jadi kerasa beda aja kalo pergi bareng temen juga ._. ga serame pergi bareng temen2 di indo..

yahhh sekarang saya harus belajar sabar..
sabar menunggu orang yang tepat yang udah Tuhan siapin :)
gatau kapan dan dimana tapi suatu saat pasti saya ketemu sama "dia" haha

the boy and the girl

hello i'm back :)

this post is dedicated to a boy who plays with a girl's heart, hope you will get a lesson from this story because it really hurts to know if you just play with it!

here the story is..

there is a girl and a boy who are friends for a long time. the boy always tells and shares his problems to the girl and sometimes the boy also really cares to the girl. when we see from people's vision, they will think they aren't just friends but they are more than friends. as the time goes by, they become closer and closer. the girl starts to fall for the boy because you know what?it's normal for a girl to fall for someone that really cares to her.

then suddenly, the boy changed, he becomes a person who never know the girl, akward conversation and so on. the girl just keep wondering what has happened but she is too scared to ask. do you know what actually happened?the boy has felt in love with another girl and he never tell this to the girl (his friend). it makes the girl very disappointed and broken hearted. the girl thinks the boy never fall in love to her, she felt like an idiot who thinks the boy also like her. and the girl start to change her mind.it needs quite a long time to change her mind which is "he is just friend and never fall to me" the girl keep pretending like nothing has happened to her. she still had a good relationship with the boy as a "friend"

times goes by, life goes on, the boy still text the girl if he has a fight with his girl friend and the girl always be there to listen all his problems. every time the boy felt alone and contact her, she always stand by to hear what the boy said. few years later the boy broke up with his girl friend and it makes the boy feels alone for some times

as usual, the boy start contacting the girl again and they become closer and closer even much more closer than before. they have hang out together and the boy also deliver the girl to her house however it is very far from his house,maybe he just try to be a gentleman. the girl is too scared to fall again, she scared everything will be the same as before and she doesn't want to fall to the same hole TWICE. both of them almost text each other everyday for about two months.but "we can't close our heart to the things that we don't want to feel" so the girl try to open her heart and forget about the past. but in the third month, the boy change again. suddenly there is no communication whatsoever. and someone said the boy has already closer with another girl and they seem like each other.

from this story, does the boy only take the girl for granted?he never know what the girl's feel because the girl also never show it. it's like the boy plays with her heart without knowing what actually has happened. he just calls the girl when he needed something. actually the girl want to said everything about how it feels and what is in her mind, but she scared it will ruin everything.

we don't know what will happen later, but one thing that we should remember, karma is really does exist. and for the boy who read this post, first : don't ever taking the girl for granted. when she always there for you, you must be thankful for that! second : don't make the girl fall for you if you don't want to catch her and third : don't bring the girl too high if in the end you just drop her from that highest place because it really feels hurt :')

*the story is just a fiction from my friend's experience :D

goodbye 16th welcome 17th

ga kerasa pisan sekarang udah 17 lagiii!! tapi tetep aja badan masi kecil wkwk semuanya sudah berubah asanya.2 hari lagi bakal ke sg,ga sma lagi waktu bener2 asa cepet pisaaaan!!!
birthday taun ini lumayan berkesaaan hahaha
ya malem2 pd ngucapin aja gituu,yang pertama heizel dengan waktu singapore wkwk kalo pake jam indo yang pertama deiver terus lanjut sheren terus kk terus yang laiiin

uda gitu dari pagi sampe siang asa biasa aja. plain day --" pas jam 3an pergi ke dokter gigi buat kontrol dari situ mulai sedikit aneh si, si papa asa smsan terus mulai curiga tp ya bysa aja da asa ga mungkin temen2 pada ke rumah. di jalan pulang candra sms "pin sry gabisa ikut,g tadi nuker dolar" wkwkwwk mulai curigaaa tp da mikir siapa tau gajadi.terus ada tetangga ngasi wall "ehh dibanjur sama temen2 ya?" mulai tambah curiga tp ya udalah i don't want to expect too much :)

sesampainya di rumah, ya gitu aja sepi ga ada tanda2 tiba2 dr loteng atas semua pada teriak2 nyanyi happy birthday hahaha.terus ditumpahin kertas,kamar dihiasin sangat tidak menyangka.kayanya itu ulang taun pertama gw yang dikasi surprise. sedih ya?hahaha tapi sekarang senang :D ada nanut, jejes, sheren, devi, sasa, mimil, rina, moje, cing2, nyo2, lala, angga, kk, wilton, robby, erik!! ga nyangka aja pada dateng da rumah mereka lumayan pada jauh2. ternyata uda kompakan sama bobby dan si papa.

ya terimakasih ajaaa ulang taun kali ini berkesan!!ulang taun terakir di bandung sebelom k sg aaaaa tapi ada satu hal yang bikin sedikit kecewa hahaha.as the same as last year,someone who i think will congratulate me didn't do that haha.bukan ga ngelakuin juga sii,ngelakuin di saat2 terakir tp teh kaya ga niat wkwkwk gatau juga si yaaa.padahal taun lalu lebih baik,tp i have to graceful in whatever that happened today!

i hope this year will be a better year for my life!in study,in friendship and in my love life.thanks God you has given me one more year to be a better person. love you all :D

friends :)

21 days to go. actually i don't know i feel happy or sad. time flies so fast huh?21 days more i will be in singapore to further my study. i know this is what i want but it seems so hard to leave my friends here :( i think i'm strong enough to face this, but i can't pretend that i'm alright. i just try to hide ehat i feel inside. there are too many memories which are so hard to forget, thanks God you give me a lot of incredible friends here.i want to make some lists about all my friends :

1. sheren, devi, jejes, nanut, cing2
yess!! there are my best friends ever!we have done a lot of things together. we laugh, we smile, we fight, we cry :) since in the junior high school until now, however we weren't in the same class we still best friendsand i hope until the end of time we are still best friends :) with cing2, she is my best friend since i was in kindergarten :D

sheren, nanut, me, jejes, devi :)

let's continue the list....
people said that senior high school is the best time to make a lot of memories and i 100% agree with that opinion. in senior high school, i went to a lot of incredible sweet 17th parties and had a chance to be the polonaise dancers. first in jessica's party it was really fun and i really enjoyed the party maybe it's because the other polonaise dancers and jessica are my best friends!!

only the girls :)

then the other incredible sweet 17th party is chelsea!!!in her birthday party, she invited some actors who are very handsome lol and they are christian bautista, mario maureer and then VJ UTT!! luckily i can took a photo with vj utt it because i stood beside him when we were in the stage.thanks chelee for the chance that you gave to me!

vj utt and i :D

the polonaise and the others :)

the other memories, in senior high school i could go anywhere easily.the picked me up and drove me home lol thanks to erik and baso who always did that to me.in senior high school too i met a lot of friends fro xe and xib, the best class ever!!!

2. XE
first, we didn't know each other but as the time goes by, we became closer. in this class i met so many friends who taught me a lot of new things. hanging out together, celebrating our birthday every months, and doing bbq 2 times. we spent a night in mimil's house and chele's villa together then sharing our problems. alin,chele,mimil we met in this class and we became best friends right?we made "gubuk cinta" and shared all of our problems whereas we didn't know each other in the first time.i also met KK who sat beside me for 6 months, erik, jambi, angga, yoyong, sam, ricky, lala, maggie, sasa, stacey, dian etc. we had spent many times for fun together :)

chele, mimil, alin and i :)

lovely XE :D

3. XIB
the best class ever!!!and i really love every single thing about this class. thanks to devi, mimil, stacey, moje, rina, cibo, amel, cae, fey who were being my best female friends in this class. i spent a whole year and sat with devi. we had done a lot of things together. then my basketball team in this class ; mimil, amel, fey, moje, stacey!! we have won a lot of class competitions!! and thanks to my best male friends too. franz, joseph, candra. i never foget when you said "my name is josephine and my hobby is angry" then you said my face look like our english teacher,mam hanna zzzz all of you taught me to become a patient person, sometimes i feel mad to all of you but then i realized it was unforgetable memory from you guys :) then thanks to baso, erik, angga, mue, yoyo, godz, lauren, batok. all of you are GREAT!!in xib we went to lampung and sang our song "i am in misery OHYEAH!! lol we decorate our alay class for valentine day. when porak, we painted our face with red and white ink.we went to pvj and watching black death, suckseed, and sanctum. and the other memories when the last day we studied together, i cried :( i don't know why, i just thought that "i will miss all the moments here"

xib in lampung :)

thanks for all your careness and all of you have accompanied and gave me some encouragement for me, time flies so FAST and i am not ready to say goodbye. but i know, all of us take different paths in life but no matter where we go, we are still FRIENDS FOREVER :')

"Eleven Hints for Life"

1. It's hurt to love someone and not be loved in return.
But what is more painful is to love someone and never
find the courage to let that person know how you feel.

2. A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who
means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was
never meant to be and you just have to let go.

3. The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a
porch swing with, never say a word, and then walk away
feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

4. It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose
it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been
missing until it arrives.

5. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an
hour to like someone, and a day to love someone-but it
takes a lifetime to forget someone.

6. Don't go for looks, they can deceive. Don't go for wealth,
even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you
smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day
seem bright.

7. Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go,
be what you want to be. Because you have only one life and
one chance to do all the things you want to do.

8. Always put yourself in the other's shoes. If you feel that it
hurts you, it probably hurts the person too.

9. A careless word may kindle strife. A cruel word may wreck
a life. A timely word may level stress. But a loving word may
heal and bless.

10. The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best
of everything they just make the most of everything that comes
along their way.

11. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, ends with
a tear. When you were born, you were crying and everyone
around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die,
you're the one smiling and everyone around you is crying.

- Unknown

atthesametime~

hey!i feel happy for you because finally you have made one of your dreams come true. congratulation!! \(´▽`)/\(´▽`)/\(´▽`)/ i know you can do that and i believe you will get success to reach your another dreams someday because you have a strong DETERMINATION and always do your best. so everything that you done will be worth to be done :) i'm proud of you!!
but . . . . . .
i feel sad too, because i'm too scared that everything will be changed. i'm scared you will not remember me anymore,you're too busy with your new friends and your new activities. so, the distance between us become farther and farther. i hope there's nothing that will change, or at least you still realize my existence

i'm happy and sad AT THE SAME TIME~

a crazy little thing called love

i watched one comedy romantic movie in the cinema few days ago. the title is "a crazy little thing called love" i really love that film because it really inspires me and the story is quite similar to my love story :P soooo,here the story is...

one day there is a girl whose name is Nam, she has been falling in love with her senior whose name is Shone. almost 3 years she has been admiring Shone without showing what she feels. the film tells when you fall in love, you will...
1. pass someone that you love just to see their face
2. do anything to make yourself look more interesting in front of them
3. and the silly one, you will keep anything that they give to you as a souvenir
i think it's really true because i've experienced it before :)
back to the story, after 3 years of waiting, Nam finally decided to tell about her feeling in last valentine day before they graduated their school. she said that she has been falling in love with Shone since the first time, but she can't said she loves him straightly. after that, Shone tells he has had a relationship with another girl :( Nam only cry over and over again. when she decided to tell her feeling, she is betrayed. it's so hard for girls to tell her feeling first!!

do you know what the truth is?
1. on valentine day in the first year, Nam gave Shone a chocolate and until 3 years more Shone still KEEP the chocolate
2. when Nam fall from the stage, Shone HOLDS her hand and try to save her. Shone said it's his first time to hold girl's hand
3. Shone always TAKES a photos of Nam without knowing by everyone else
4. Shone LETS his friend to get Nam's heart because he can't show his feeling to Nam
5. when valentine day in second year, Shone GIVES Nam a rose which has planted by himself but he said that his friend asked him to deliver the rose
Shone tells all his feeling to Nam by writting a book and there are a lot of pictures of Nam too. after some years, they're separated by time and distance. Nam become a successful designer and one day she meets Shone. they still love each other and have waited for 9 YEARS to be back again :)

through this film i get some lessons; "when you love someone, fight for what you feel. you shouldn't care about how long you have been waiting for them. because if you really love them time is just a number :) sometimes it's better to make someone whom we loved know our feeling so there's no regret in our life."
PS : For everyone who fall in love with someone but they don't give some signals, remember this! YOU HAVE COME THIS FAR, YOU MUST FIGHT TO THE END :D

what is your choice?

if you are in this conditions what will you choose?

1. you like two person in your life but you don't know what they feel to you. both of them have different personality which can impressed you. so, what is you choice?
a. the first type, who is very quiet and cool. they just talk if they need something. never ask some questions first, a little bit unsociable, never talk with other girls. but when you become their girlfriend, they will think you're the only one and they won't make you disappointed by looking another girls. beside that, they love their family so much! clever and multitalented but it will be a rare thing when you see them laugh freely~
b. the second type, they are very humorous and make you feel comfort. you'll never get bored when you're with them. love to laugh and smile. care to everybody including their female friends. so, you don't even know if you are very special for them because they treat everybody as the same as you. they love their family, clever, and multitalented too.

2. when you are falling in love...
a. you choose to fall with someone who has said they like you and promise to make you feel happy. they're kind, a good friend but you need some times to learn how to love them as they have done to you
b. you choose to fall with someone whom you have fallen with for some years. but, they don't give some sure signals to you if they like you too. you just keep waiting and hoping they will realize your faithfulness and appreciate it by loving you back

so, if you are in that conditions, what will you choose?

:D :D :D

on 6 january 2011 there is a news which makes me feel extremely HAPPY!!it's about what i dream since i was in secondary school. reminding the time when i write my blog about scholarship, the title is "useless" lol and it's the next part of that story. after that incident, i know and i believe that God has another plan for me. one day, my mother's friend tell me that there is a test to NAFA and NAFA is one of the best university in singapore for design. She knows i like drawing since i was kid and she suggest me to join it. so, after thinking for some days, i decided to join the test, hope i can be accepted. i learn from my experience in the past that i'm nothing without Him, i can't do anything without His help. in the past i'm too optimist and believe only with my ability. i only pray in the day before the test, i'm too arrogant :( Then, God give me the lessons and i feel really graceful bcause He makes me realized about His plan. On 19th december 2010, i went to jakarta and join the test. first, i felt not confident at all. the people who join the test were older than me (almost all of them). but i believe and i know, whatever the result is, it's the best for me and it's God's plan for my future. the result was told on 6th January. in 20.00pm my senior texted me and said that she has got the scholarship. waaa i was happy to hear that but i felt hopeless too. until 21.00 i still didn't know i was accepted or not. i keep praying, i keep hoping, and in 22.00 i got a message : "Josephine, congratulation! you are accepted in NAFA and get the scholarship!" aaaa finally one of my dreams comes true!! getting a scholarship for further my study :) thaaaanks to God, my family, and my friends who always support me. i remember when Ray (my best friend) say to me "don't stop dreaming, God will give the best for you" i still reminding that quote!! Sometimes what we want is different from God's plan but God has the best plan for us. maybe it will be hurt in the beginning but you must believe it will be great in the end (it can be more than you expected).in the end i want to tell whoever who read it : if you are fall, don't keep falling but you have to come up and prove that you're strong!! and dreams really do come true if we hope, hard work, and pray :)

don't stop dreaming because there is no wrong in wanting something more

明日晴れるかな (Ashita Hareru Kana)

Shouting out for love, with hot tears streaming
Just where have those glorious days disappear to?
If it’s the same tomorrow, wandering on the streets,
There is no turning back from now on

Listening carefully to the voice of my heart
Just what would I probably say to myself?
Now, standing at the dirtied corner of the street,
Looking up in the sky, I will think to myself everytime

Loneliness and the troubles bestowed upon us from God
Just make us cry when we desire to
What will our fate be?
Should we just give up?
It is just like the never-ending magical wonders of the seasons

Oh baby. No, maybe.
Is there no ‘emotion’ without ‘love’?
Free to grieve about it,
For it is the consequence of society

Oh, baby. You’re maybe.
There is no ‘joy’ without ‘love’.
The feeling of happiness
Embrace it dearly one more time

For the sake of loving oneself on some days,
Recall on the beautiful memories that you have
For the life that has yet to unfold from the distant past
Exists to make that one dream of yours come true

Who will open the door to miracles?
Smile, just once more
Have you realized it yet?
The key (to the door) is already
On the palm of your hand

Why, baby? Oh, tell me.
Is there no ‘hate’ without ‘love’?
Free to foresee or not,
In order to protect oneself?

Oh, baby. You’re maybe.
It is not just a little game!!
This broken feeling
Overcome it one more chance

I talk to myself…

Oh, baby. No, maybe.
Is there no ‘emotion’ without ‘love’?
Free to grieve about it,
What is left will only be regret

Oh, baby. Smile, baby.
Life is not for eternity
To themselves, everyone in their heart
Whisper softly

“Will it be fine tomorrow…?”

Beneath the distant sky