useless

when i spent my holiday in sg i felt useless especially when i saw some of teenagers who wore their school uniform.it made me reminding about the scholarship test and honestly i felt jealous. have you ever felt when all of you want has gone?it remains a pain really -.- when i was in junior high sch there was a scholarship test to anderson and i was really excited to join it. my family and friends also support me and believe i can be accepted. i prepared for everything; taking a course in holiday time, doing some exercises, asking my friends about the test, and praying to God. there were 15 girls who would join the test but the test was canceled because the school had some importance, it happened in March and the test was delayed to June. June had come there were 12 girls but they didn't come again because of swine flu and the test delayed again to July and there were only 5 girls who still want to join the test including me. i knew it would be a big chance but they still not come because of terrorism in jakarta so they did'nt come in my year.but i didn't give up, my mom's friend asked me to apply asean scholarship. if our national exam score was good, we could join the test and my score was 38 but they didn't send me a letter which said i could join the test. my friend whose score is 36 received their letter. so, i checked my form, my dad did some mistakes about my score and he tried to explain his fault to MOE and finally they gave me a chance. thanks dad for your kindness but sorry i just make you disappointed. i went to jakarta and did my best for the test but i didn't accept. 2010 had come my family supported me to take anderson scholarship again so i joint the test with my junior, i also did my best but i didn't accepted again. i cried all day, regret for being stupid, regret making my family and friends disappointed, regret i can't be a worthy person. but thanks God you give me a good family and friends. they never blame me of my stupidity but they still support me and said "God has another plan for you". i just blame myself until now and i promise to make them proud someday but still, i feel that pain :(