IF.....

hmm i don't know from where i should start the story. it's about my ex crush and i. after we graduated 10th grade my friends asked me to go to the cinema with my ex crush and some of my friends. we had fun together and there were some stories which make me reminding him again. first, when we entered the cinema, we walked behind the others and he touched my head. second, he always walked beside or near me but i didn't know it was happened by accident or not. and last the most unforgetable one when we walked back to the school, he was in the front and i was at the back but suddenly he walked more slowly so he was beside me and the others were in front of us. both of us walked together at the back and had a lot of conversations. honestly, i really missed that time. in my birthday party he came with his friends. i took some photos with everyone who came including him. we took 3 photos and when i cut the birthday cake, i must gave it to someone special and i gave to him. we had a lot of pictures in that moment. after we arrived at home, we texted each other and he said he felt really happy because of the cake and i said to him about what i felt at that time. i was very happy but i knew i shouldn't did it because the condition was different than in the past. he asked me to send our photos. i won't upload it,let it be our memory,only he and i :) the next day we still texted like in the past. does it mean i give him a second chance?my friend said that i couldn't lie to myself, i said i want to forget him but my heart felt hurt if i did it. aaaaa i still confused about my feeling right now. i don't know what should i do because i'm scared of falling for him again. and sometimes i want to ask : God, don't You allowed me to forget him?because when i tried it i would dream about him and it made me reminding him again. and why does everything always come so late? if everything happened in the past....................................................

blue tomorrow

When it’s tomorrow, we agree not to meet again
Sitting in the shop at the end of the road, I ordered a cup of missing you
When it’s tomorrow, we can only let love pass by
Before daybreak, two persons’ smiling faces become a yellowed photograph

Around me Loneliness is spreading
Vision is being blurred by tears
I left “I love you” at the bottom of my heart and put them on the tip of my lips

When it’s tomorrow, you will leave my side
When it’s tomorrow, I will wish upon a shooting star alone
Just like the ending of a movie
Our ending fulfilled the prediction of tears
Broken promises all over the ground, the yesterday that cannot be pieced together again
But I still look forward to the appearance of a miracle
Your shadow is drifting further and further away.

Love is still lingering in my room
Before the memory becomes real, in a moment
It felt like you were in front of my eyes

Without you, love starts to hibernate
Loneliness will occupy every day
I stand under the streetlight, on the side of the cold street
That place where we once embraced
Is the roof under which we once seek shelter from the rain together

I still reminisce the past when we were in love
I’m still waiting for you to come back to my side
Tears are falling on the side of my cold pillow
I hit pause on time until you appear again
I cannot stand each of the days without you

I love you, it will not change
I’ll be loving you till eternity

may peace prevail on earth

waaa i must draw AGAIN for another competition and i really enjoy it because of the theme. the competition is about making a postcard with a theme "may peace prevail on earth" -> really like the theme :D first, i try to think for the idea and after spend about 15 minutes i still don't know what should i draw. but suddenly God comes for helping me!! *light bulb* lol. i'll never can do this if God doesn't help me. thaaanks God!! and finally the postcards have done :)

the first one :)

the second one :)

not as i expected

today is my birthday but i'm not happy like everyone's think

something is missing...

at 12 o'clock my bestfriend, sheren is the first person who say the birthday wish to me thanks sierr :) and then some of my friends text me too but someone who i think will text me don't text me until now. nice!

everything isn't as i expected...

maybe it's true hope just makes us disappointed...

useless

when i spent my holiday in sg i felt useless especially when i saw some of teenagers who wore their school uniform.it made me reminding about the scholarship test and honestly i felt jealous. have you ever felt when all of you want has gone?it remains a pain really -.- when i was in junior high sch there was a scholarship test to anderson and i was really excited to join it. my family and friends also support me and believe i can be accepted. i prepared for everything; taking a course in holiday time, doing some exercises, asking my friends about the test, and praying to God. there were 15 girls who would join the test but the test was canceled because the school had some importance, it happened in March and the test was delayed to June. June had come there were 12 girls but they didn't come again because of swine flu and the test delayed again to July and there were only 5 girls who still want to join the test including me. i knew it would be a big chance but they still not come because of terrorism in jakarta so they did'nt come in my year.but i didn't give up, my mom's friend asked me to apply asean scholarship. if our national exam score was good, we could join the test and my score was 38 but they didn't send me a letter which said i could join the test. my friend whose score is 36 received their letter. so, i checked my form, my dad did some mistakes about my score and he tried to explain his fault to MOE and finally they gave me a chance. thanks dad for your kindness but sorry i just make you disappointed. i went to jakarta and did my best for the test but i didn't accept. 2010 had come my family supported me to take anderson scholarship again so i joint the test with my junior, i also did my best but i didn't accepted again. i cried all day, regret for being stupid, regret making my family and friends disappointed, regret i can't be a worthy person. but thanks God you give me a good family and friends. they never blame me of my stupidity but they still support me and said "God has another plan for you". i just blame myself until now and i promise to make them proud someday but still, i feel that pain :(

pelajaran

hari ini saya latian pelayanan jadi pemusik di gereja sama yosia, josef, michael. mereka semua saya kenal dari sejak saya sd. awalnya si latian buat kebaktian nanti minggu seudah selesai si michael pulang dulu jadi tinggal saya,yosia sama ocep. pas itu kita cerita2 sama ngobrol tentang banyak hal dari masalah keluarga sampe masalah temen. sd kita semua bareng tapi smp saya pindah nah tadi mereka cerita ttg temen2 sd saya yg dulu. beberapa dari mereka jadi 'rusak'. jujur saya kaget banget pas denger ceritanya. ada yang jadi bisnis helm curian, jadi dia nyuri helm2 di mall gitu dan dia itu temen sebangku saya waktu kelas 5sd dan setau saya dia orangnya bae banget.tapi sekarang malah jadi kaya gitu. ada lg tmn saya yang jadi ga bnr kelakuaanya. kaget lah denger cerita2 tentang tmn sd saya dulu. kebanyakan dari mereka semua jadi kaya gini gara2 faktor keluarga mereka yg broken home. kalo diliat sekilas si semuanya keliatan normal, saya aja ga nyangka kalo mereka jadi pada berubah gitu. kadang waktu seseorang punya sikap aneh kaya kecentilan atau caper justru sebenernya kepribadian mereka lagi bermasalah. hari ini saya merasa amat sangat bersyukur lahir di dalem keluarga yang baik2. mungkin kalo saya dilahirin di keluarga yang broken home saya ga punya mental yang kuat. saya kagum sama tmn saya yang walopun ortunya broken home dia ga pernah ngerasa nyesel atau ga beruntung. dia malah bilang lahir dari keluarga yang broken home itu bikin dia jadi lebih dewasa daripada anak seumuran dy. dia cuma bilang kadang ngerasa kesepian dan itu ga bisa didapet darimanapun selaen sama keluarga. begitu denger dia ngomong kaya gitu saya kagum, biasanya orang malah jadi marah atau 'rusak' tapi dia tetep bersyukur sama apapun yang dia punya. dia juga awalnya uda mau bunuh diri tapi Tuhan kayanya ga ngijinin dia buat ngelakuin hal itu dan sekarang menurut saya si ya dia jadi berkat buat banyak orang. hari ini saya bener2 dapet pelajaran berharga buat besyukur sama apapun yang udah kita punya. rencana kita itu semua uda Tuhan siapin dan itu pasti yang terbaik.