5cm

"Mimpi - mimpi kamu, cita - cita kamu, keyakinan kamu, apa yang kamu mau kejar, biarkan ia menggantung, mengambang 5 centimeter di depan kening kamu. Jadi dia ngga akan pernah lepas dari mata kamu. Dan kamu bawa mimpi dan keyakinan kamu itu setiap hari, kamu lihat setiap hari, dan percaya kamu pasti bisa.

Apa pun hambatannya, bilang sama diri kamu sendiri, kalo kamu percaya sama keinginan itu dan kamu nggak bisa menyerah. Bahwa kamu akan berdiri lagi setiap kamu jatuh, bahwa kamu akan mengejarnya sampai dapat, apapun itu, segala keingan, mimpi, cita - cita, keyakinan diri...

Biarkan keyakinan kamu, 5 centimeter mengambang di depan kening kamu.

Dan... sehabis itu yang kamu perlu cuma kaki yang akan berjalan jauh dari biasanya, tangan yang akan berbuat lebih banyak dari biasanya, mata yang akan menatap lebih lama dari biasanya, leher yang akan lebih sering melihat ke atas, lapisan tekad yang seribu kali lebih keras dari baja, dan hati yang akan bekerja lebih keras dari biasanya, serta mulut yang selalu berdoa..

Keep our dreams alive, and we will survive.."

5cm - Donny Dhirgantoro

good day

today is a good day!hahaha it always feels good to be home!! and here i am, writing this new post in my own room, in my home :D

however the flight has delayed for almost 4 hours, i still felt happy today..

first, something has made my day since morning. thanks :)

second, i meet my kindergarten friend whom i never meet for almost 14 years!!

i just felt so happy to meet my childhood friend..

so here the story...

i decided to go home with my best friend, jessica. she said her school friend also go home at the same time as us, with the same flight also. but, i think i won't know them because we are from different school. when jessica said their name, one of the names was so familiar for me and suddenly i remember one of my kindergarten friend who has the same name as him.i ask jessica if he was at the same school as mine or not and the answer is YES hahaha. so, i'm sure if he was one of my childhood friend..

i forget about his face but i remember the story about him

he came to my home with his bicycle and gave me a big brown teddy bear when i celebrated my 5th birthday. that's the memory that i remember about him..

oh btw, his name is adrian and there is anzel, a person who i just know today hahaha

and coincidentally, we went home together and meet today after 14 years has passed :)

when i told my mom about this story, she also forgot about his name. but when i said, the one who gave me a big brown teddy bear when i was 5, then she remember him hahaha. my mom even remember his mom, his sister, and his family. because his sister is the same age as my first brother too..

it makes me realize if time really flies so fast!!

and everything will be changed as the time goes by. now, i think "change" doesn't always consider as a negative thought. thank you for you who said this to me :)

jessica, me, adrian, anzel :)

a 14 years old teddy bear lol

random thought

Everything has become too far and it's so hard to go back to the beginning. If only i can choose, i also don't want to be in this situation but it has already happened, i have to face it. The feeling when you scared of your own feeling and always try to think if it is not real at all or maybe it is just for a while. But as the time goes by, it just getting harder to make this feeling disappeared. Am i wrong to have this feeling?Am i too easy to fall so i get lost? Everything is back to myself, it's my own fault. Should be no expectation from the beginning, indeed..indeed.. Now, something is missing and i don't have any rights to complain about anything. I should learn and get used to this kind of feeling :(

If only i could say to you directly, it will become a relieve for myself but how if it will ruin everything? So, i have to endure this. Just keep it inside, keep it inside. Hopefully it will go as soon as possible until everything will be back to normal. Someone said, it's unfair for me haha but nvm i'm happy with everything that has happened between us before. However it seems it will never ever happen again, i still got  a lot of lessons that make me stronger and more mature. Because everything always change, right? Maybe you're right. I can't understand what you feel, i can't understand you at all. But, sometimes i think maybe the feeling that you feel to her is the same as my feeling to you. It's better to keep it inside and pretending nothing happened.

And honestly, i'm quite disappointed to know the truth that you never say to me. It really helps me if you said the truth from the beginning. But, i know you have your own reason which is i never know. I can't tell this to anyone. It just screwed in my mind all the time and i need to throw it all away here to makes me feel better.

Please don't get me wrong hahaha. I know we are better to be just like this. I don't get mad to you too because i have known you "quite" well hehehehe. I know you do not ever have any intentions to make me feel like this. I will try to handle this feeling and make it disappeared as soon as i can hahaha. And please don't be awkward or anything. Like as you said, the feeling just show up on the day that you write the post in your blog :)
Live your own life well! and good luck for the last last last exams in your school life hahahaha God bless :)

a farewell message

dulllll how are you?it has been three years already haha. time flies so fast
seems like you have proven to me and to yourself that you are good at english :p
congratulation for you, becoming an australian man now hehehe
reminding the good old times when you always called me to teach you english
before our exam, you called me at night and always asked me to explain about it
we studied through phone until midnight hahaha
and when i got your exam to be checked, i had to change your answers so you wouldn't got a bad mark
such a coincidence that you also got my exam to be checked too
now, i believe you have already good at it. all becomes a good memory..

i know we will never go back anymore. you have found your mrs.right and i still on my way to find mine. congratulation for both of you, just heard about the news few days ago. long last dul :)
don't worry about me because i'm happy for both of you :)
thank you for saying i was the one that make you change to be a better man
i appreciate when you felt regret about everything that has happened to us
you don't have to regret dul, because you are becoming happier now and so am i :)
i believe that you have already changed, keep treating your mrs.right well!you have promised that to me haha
last time when we met each other was in my farewell party, so it has been more than a year i haven't seen you yet. hope someday we will meet and talk each other again like in the past as a good friend :)

take care in aussie!should be a diligent and successful person in your study, your life, and everything. don't forget to keep smiling, that's what you teach me to do whenever i felt down. and last, don't ever forget what we have been through together especially on that rainy day hahaha :p
let's keep our memories for ourselves. promise me!
thank you for making me smile
thank you for reminding me to read bible everyday
and thank you for the lesson and the memories that you gave to me
take care and good luck to you dudul jeleeeeeeeekkkkk
don't worry, you will always be my ugliest friend forever hehehehehe :)

still wondering why you put that sad face hahahaha

exercise oh exercise

this week was so damn tiring!
body clock screwed, sleepless night, and head is going to explode haha
all the exercises for every subject should be submitted this week!
inhaleeeeeeee exhaleeeeeee inhaleeeeeee exhaleeeeeee

but thank to God, i still can manage my time well
and i'm happy with my works :)

okkkkk i want to share what i did for my "narrative illustration's" exercise
the topic was about phobia and i chose heliophobia which means scared of the sun

1. actually, i did some sketches but the teacher like this two

2. i scanned the sketches into my laptop and start tracing them using adobe illustrator. others said it will be easier if we use tablet, but i don't get used to it LOL so i just used my mouse and it took almost 5 hours each to trace the sketches -.-

sorry, it looks so messy -.-

the hardest part when i did this was to choose which one that should be in the front and which one that should be at the back. we have to draw everything in different layers. and arranging the layers wasn't easy at all. I SHOULD BE PATIENT!hahaha

3. Then, i start to choose the color for every object. i like this part!!but it wasn't easy too because we should know and differentiate what is the focus part in our illustration.

4. Last step, DETAILING!! this part also not easy at all. we should put some textures for certain objects, controlling the focus area by using opacity an soooo oooonn. the most important one, we have to be full concentrated in doing this step. and after spending a lot of times for this exercise, i finished it today :D actually it took three days for doing this exercise. because sometimes, i felt saturated and choose to do the other things :P

and here they are....the final illustrations :)

using some texture for certain objects and put detailing inside the illustration really works right? :)

i know maybe my artworks don't look nice for some of you

different people, different opinion, right? hehehehe

i just want to share some of my artworks here

"knowledge is never ending"

yessssss!!i have to learn more and more and more and moreeeeeee

hopefully i will getting better and better as the time goes by :)

another disappointment

it has already 3.30am and i still can't sleep
suddenly i remember about the disappointment to some of my friends
i know there is no perfect friendship in this world, but reminding that incident, still makes me feel hurt yet disappointed
the fact that you have to act that you're ok but actually you're not ok
the fact that you have to act like you don't care but deep down it hurts
you forced to smile so they will think nothing's happened to you however it's not true
it's all because i don't want them to think if i'm that weak!

no one realized, no one understands, and no one cares..

i know everyone does't want to be in my position at that time, but how come they don't care when i was in that position?just because i don't complain so they think if i'm ok?
i don't mind to yield, but how many times that i should yield to them?
i want to complain too
but i just can't say what i really feel easily.yes, this is me..
so back to that phrase "no one realized, no one understands, no one cares, and no one knows me"

hope i will forget that incident as soon as possible
life goes on and i've got a lot of lessons from this disappointment
like someone said, "sometimes, ignorance is a bliss"

disappoinment

now i have already known the truth
actually you don't have to lie from the beginning
it's ok to say the truth
i won't judge you by the way
i will try to understand
you know what?
you are the one who has said to me
"don't ever lie to your feeling.because pretending that you're ok when actually you aren't, is the worst feeling ever"
such a disappointment why you don't say the truth from the beginning
and such a disappointment that you don't say the truth by yourself
we are a good friend right?
nothing that should be hidden from me hahahahaha
but it's your choice not to tell this to me
just remember, i will always hope and pray the best for you, friend :)

Become Closer Become Harder

Become closer means become harder. agree or not?

Sometimes when you have someone who is very close to you is one of the good things that happens in your life, right?

You can share your problems to them..

Doing everything together..

Nothing that shouldn't be hide in front of them..

But in the other side,

Have you ever think "when you become closer it can become harder too?"

You can't tell your feeling directly..

You can't tell what do you actually feel about them..

You are too much thinking in what you have to say to them because it has to be in the right way..

Sometimes you have to lie and can't say the truth about your feeling..

Why?

It's because you are too care to them..

You don't want to make them feel disappointed to you..

You are too scared of ruining your relationship that have been built well between you and them..

So, you start thinking "it's better left unsaid then" 

However in the deep of your heart you really want to say all the things that have been stayed in your mind for a long time..

Do you know why you are willing to endure your "true" feelings?

The answer is simple..

Everybody has their own place in your heart and someone who is closer to you has more special place

The closer the person to you, the more special place that they have

It makes you don't mind to sacrifice and endure your feelings just for them

Because for you, their feelings is more important than yours

Something that should be easy to say become harder than it should be because you have already known each other for a long time

So, is it true if become closer can become harder?

2011 memories :D

HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL :D
time flies so fast yaa!!super duper cepat uda setaun lagii
2011 was a year that so many ups and downs hahaha
sekarang saya mau cerita2 tentang 2011 memories...

JANUARY
yaaa di bulan ini inget pisan pas tanggal 6januari, tanggal dimana saya dkasi tau keterima sekola di sg wahahha. awal 2011 aja uda super nyenengin! di bulan ini juga saya memutuskan untuk berenti les pelajaran, pokonya rencanya mau berjuang sendiri di IPA tanpa les wkwkwk. udah optimis bisa, ehh lama kelamaan semakin terasa berat wkwk. ohhh terus sibuk latian polo buat sweet jejes!! tiap pulang sekola langsung latian sampe malem. tapi super rame! bolos sekola bareng2 demi sweet yang ujung2nya dipanggil guru haha. terus nginep bareng di ASTON pake kamar connecting door dan lain lain :D

FEBUARY
valentine day!!hahaha ini juga berkesan, tp bukan berkesan sama cowo :p waktu valentine day inget pisan kalo xib satu2nya kelas xi yang kepilih buat bikin stand!padahal kita cuma pake tema game alay bwahaha. da emang ini kelas alay pisan.pulang sekola dekor bareng2 dengan budget seadanya. pake kertas ngejreng2, pokonya super alay lah ini. kayanya gagara itu satu angkatan tau kalo xib itu kelas alay lol tp KOMPAK!

MARET
i used dental brackets for the first time B) hahaha pertama kali pake kawat buat ngebetulin gigi yang sedikit miring :P awalnya super aneh. kaya ada yang ganjel, uda gitu makan jadi nyelip2. seminggu sekali ke dokter gigi err super ribet haha. terus di bulan ini paling kejadian telepon tiba2 kali ya haha. ya pokonya mah tiba2 ngobrol di telepon karena suatu ketidaksengajaan dengan seseorang yang sudah sangat lama kenal :) *gausa dibahas detail* hahaha

APRIL
main ke sg sama teman2!!hahaha. ceritanya dalam rangka sweet 17th si alin :) pergi ber 16 kalo ga salah terus semuanya uda disedian. tinggal tau pergi dan bersenang2 LOL thank you alin :D terus main bareng ke universal!!kayanya pertama kali juga kesana pas itu. walopun sempet sedikit konflik tp semuanya rame2 aja haha. i think it was my first time to go abroad with my friends :D ohyaa!!kalo ga salah bulan ini juga saya masuk les lagi bareng kk sama robby haha abis di ipa nilai lsg menurun wkwkwk

MEI
malem2 jam 12 ke rumah sheren!!hahaha terus pertama kalinya dipanggil guru BK. yaa ga diapa2in si cuma dibilangin nilainya kenapa jadi turun LOL mungkin karena faktor mau k sg jadi belajarpun uda ga seniat dulu :P tapi itu pengalaman yang bener2 bikin shock. abis biasa ga pernah dipanggil k BK baru pertama kali sepanjang sekola dipanggil gagara nilai hahaha.tapi berkesan wahaha
terus jamannya latian polo chele!!ini lebi super padet latiannya. bisa sampe jam 10 malem. kalo besok ada ulangan kadang bisa sambil belajar di tempat latian. pas nganggur lsg belajar wkwkw nasib anak ipa -.- tapi sweet nya juga super sukses :D thank you chelee hahaha. ketemu vj utt, christian bautista sama mario maureer di bulan ini. im so happy can be a polonaise dancer in one of the biggest sweet 17th party ever :D

JUNI
hari2 terakir belajar di sekola tiba2 mau nangis wakaka. nangis gagara tegang kimia sama sedih juga pada pisah.konyol daa hahaha. eh tapi semua sudah terlewati dengan baik :) ohh teruss ada acara maen ke vila gabungan xe sama xib di villa kayu. ini juga rame!!ada kejadian yang bikin saya ketawa sampe nangis hahaha. sekarang juga kalo di inget2 masih suka senyum2 sendiri. sesi curhat di malem hari, sampe ada sesi curhat tambahan LOL. tidur paling akhir sama si KK gagara galau smpe jam 5 subuh haha. kayanya juni itu bulan galau :P

JULI
waktu ke sg semakin dekat!!hahaha. yang berkesan sweet kali ya? i have already told the story in another post hahaha. terus tepat tanggal 10 july i left indonesia :D hahaha ga gitu galau sii. abis kan pergi juga bareng temen2 laen ber 10. itu juga berkesan!! maen2 bareng di sg so it was my second time to go abroad with my friends :D hahaha. jaman2nya orientasi!!pertamanya deg2an ehh tapi rame2 ajaa.terus ada nafa outing, kenalan sama temen2 baruuu. hmm apalagi ya?menggalau di ion mungkin ya sama ivan dan ray wwkkwk sampe malem galau teruss LOL

AGUSTUS
FOA di ACS!!hahaha uda lama pisan ga ke acs jadi begitu kesana asa nostalgia LSS :) ceritanya nonton si ray perform nyanyi wkwk. itu kaya performing art gitu sii. malem2 galau lagii di wendy's itu sampe jam 11 malem -.-haha terus ada outing sama IEC!! :D kenalan juga sama anak2 gereja. kepanasan di sentosa tp ramee. di bulan ini juga saya masuk kuliah pertama kalinya!! masuk kelas 1d,orang indo cuma b5 tapi okelahh langsung bs berteman sm yg lain hahah

SEPTEMBER
tentang kuliah si rasanya semua baik2 saja wkwkwk. hmm september t kayanya awal suatu kejadian dimulai wkwk. tiba2 semuanya jadi kaya 3 taun lalu ._. hahaha tapi ya mikirnya biasa aja sihh. mungkin cuma kembali buat waktu yang sementara. ohh terus paling jaman2nya srg pgi maiin pokonya bulan september awal semuanya dimulai wkwk mungkin diulang lebih pas LOL
terus KERJA!!hahaha pertama kali jadi pegawe part time di THAI EXPRESS as a waiter haha

OKTOBER
kejadiannya masih terus berlangsung sampe bulan ini hahaha. tapi tetep aja mikirnya mungkin cuma sementara juga. ga akan lebih dari 3 bulan daa :P laluu perjuangan buat ISP alias tugas akhir wkwk.jaman2nya submission juga!jadi tidur malam tidur malam yaa ga malem2 jg sii gw mah da masi sempet tdr siang LOL

NOVEMBER
ini bulan yang paling bikin naik turun!!awal2 super galau. feeling ga akan lama mulai kerasa benar wkwk tapi ga sampe gimana2 sihh udanya biasa lagii hahaha.ehh tiba2 mood nya jadi baik lagi wkwk bener2 dibikin naik turun. mulai dari sekola, temen, yahh pokonya banyaklah haha.tapi makin akir makin jadi lebih baik :) bulan ini t akirnya makan sour sally lagi stelah sekian lama!terimakasih untuk traktirannya wkwkwk
terus ISP BERES!!!tinggal nunggu libur, kerjanya nonton running man terusss hahaha

DESEMBER
bulan terakiirrr :) ehh ternyata kejadiannya masih juga sampe sekarang wakaka. ternyata perkiraan gw salah tapi ttp aja masih ada yang dipikirin haha. tapi seneng sii. bulan ini juga saya kembali ke tanah air!!hahaha dijemput sama temen2 terus tiap hari 3minggu ampir pegi maen terusss.dijemput sama erik terus jemput yang lain terus aja pergi main haha. main k skola cm sekali si. paling sering ke hyper sampe 6x!! terus bsm pokonya ampir smua tempat pegi haha. maen juga ampir tiap harii. terus ada villa part 2 B) walopun ga serame dulu orgnya tapi ttp acaranya mah RAME!! sampe ga kerasa kalo liburan udahan -.- ohh jadi "usher import" di gereja bareng kevin dan ivan hahaha. taun baru waktu itu di sg sama keluarga :)
and last, my result is more than i expected hahaha :D

yaaa pokonya saya senang sama taun 2011 :D
ada yang bikin euforia, galau, sedih, panik, stress, pokonya campur2 lah semua jugaa. taun dimana saya berusaha buat jadi lebih dewasa. taun dimana saya belajar hidup mandiri dan adaptasi sama lingkungan baru, taun dimana saya nemu banyak temen baru, taun dimana saya belajar buat ga ber ekspektasi terlalu tinggi sama cinta wahahah pokonya banyak banget pelajaran yang bisa diambil dari taun ini

terimakasih buat berkat Tuhan selama satu taun yang bisa dilewati dengan baik wahahha
terimakasih buat teman2 yang udah bareng2 ngabisin waktu dan ngebuat satu taun ini jadi taun yang berkesan, terimakasih buat orang yang bikin saya senang pokonya terimakasih terimakasih :D

i love 2011 <3