T.I.R.E.D

this month i always sleep after 2a.m almost everyday
i don't know why november always not so good to me
a lot of thoughts always come before i'm going to sleep
actually i don't know what exactly i was thinking about
everything just comes out every night and make myself feel so hard to close my eyes and sleep

i guess i'm just tired..
tired of the situation that always make me can't sleep at the right time
tired of being tired, not because of my final school project, it's because i'm tired so i can't think clearly, it is so disturbing and i'm scared i can't get through this well
tired of pretending that i'm alright, but i don't like to show this to the people. i don't want when people see me they know if i have a problem. i don't like being asked "what happen" because they just pretend to care, they don't really care
tired of taking a pity to myself. i care too much to other people feeling until i forget if i have a feeling that want to be cared by others too :')

it makes me hate myself..
i hate myself who pretend to be strong when actually i'm not
i hate myself who can't talk and show my feeling in front of the others easily
i hate myself who just can write all my feeling on this blog
i hate myself who aren't strong enough to face all my problems by myself
i hate myself who always ask God to accompany me when i can't sleep

sorry God i bother You every night..
but i need Your strength to face all this things..

single vs relationship

hmm mungkin itu topik yang paling membingungkan buat dibahas..
gatau kenapa tiba2 pengen nge post tentang ini mungkin lagi galau juga kali ya :p

bisa dibilang saya orang yang tidak berpengalaman dalam masalah pacaran
belum pernah loo ._. tapi saya cukup bangga dan sedih haha
tapi emang dulu dari smp sampe sma emang gamau dulu soalnya belum merasa waktunya
sekarang udah kuliah dan udah 17 kadang pengen tau gimana rasanya
pengen tau gimana rasanya dicariin tiap hari, dianter jemput, malem minggu pergi bareng dll
kalo denger cerita temen2 saya kayanya rameee banget
deket dan pacaran itu beda katanya..

dari smp sampe sma paling pernahnya deket sama cowo
yang paling berkesan pas waktu sma, mungkin itu uda masuk ke tahap yang agak serius
ga cinta2 monyet kaya pas smp hahaha
tapi udahnya juga kandas di tengah jalan LOL cuma deket beberapa bulan
lumayan lama si deketnya, tapi karena suatu masalah *eis* yauda udahan..

tapi sebenernya kalo dipikir2 lagi, pacaran sekarang juga belum tentu kuat sampe nanti, jadi kaya gimana ya?
buat apa pacaran sekarang kalau nanti ujung2nya putus juga? ._.
lagian saya merasa cowo seumuran saya sekarang ini ga pada serius, ya walopun ga semua sii tapi bicara secara umum aja
kadang ngeliat temen2 saya kaya yang gampang buat dapet pacar, putus, dapet lagi yang laen..hmmm kenapa buat saya susah yaaa :(

kalau boleh pilih, saya lebih milih deket sama orang daripada terikat dalam suatu hubungan. tapi harus sama2 ada komitmen juga. tapi justru disitu susahnyaa
kalau ga terikat dengan suatu hubungan, makin banyak masalah yang mungkin terjadi haha
lagian komitmen sama kepercayaannya harus bener bener serius soalnya ga ada status
eh tapi jangan juga deh kaya gitu, beresiko tinggi!

yaa kadang suka galau liat orang laen punya orang yang bisa diandalin kalo ada apa2, ada orang yang selalu stand by kalo perlu apa2, yang bisa nemenin, care dan lain lain pokonya membuat kita merasa jadi orang yang paling penting dan diperlukan :D
ngeliat orang pacaran kalo malem minggu pergi bareng, saya disini?paling online dan diem di rumah LOL
dulu si bisa pergi bareng temen2 senasib lainnya haha, seudah pindah kesini jadi makin kerasa sepi. mungkin karena lingkungan baru juga jadi kerasa beda aja kalo pergi bareng temen juga ._. ga serame pergi bareng temen2 di indo..

yahhh sekarang saya harus belajar sabar..
sabar menunggu orang yang tepat yang udah Tuhan siapin :)
gatau kapan dan dimana tapi suatu saat pasti saya ketemu sama "dia" haha

the boy and the girl

hello i'm back :)

this post is dedicated to a boy who plays with a girl's heart, hope you will get a lesson from this story because it really hurts to know if you just play with it!

here the story is..

there is a girl and a boy who are friends for a long time. the boy always tells and shares his problems to the girl and sometimes the boy also really cares to the girl. when we see from people's vision, they will think they aren't just friends but they are more than friends. as the time goes by, they become closer and closer. the girl starts to fall for the boy because you know what?it's normal for a girl to fall for someone that really cares to her.

then suddenly, the boy changed, he becomes a person who never know the girl, akward conversation and so on. the girl just keep wondering what has happened but she is too scared to ask. do you know what actually happened?the boy has felt in love with another girl and he never tell this to the girl (his friend). it makes the girl very disappointed and broken hearted. the girl thinks the boy never fall in love to her, she felt like an idiot who thinks the boy also like her. and the girl start to change her mind.it needs quite a long time to change her mind which is "he is just friend and never fall to me" the girl keep pretending like nothing has happened to her. she still had a good relationship with the boy as a "friend"

times goes by, life goes on, the boy still text the girl if he has a fight with his girl friend and the girl always be there to listen all his problems. every time the boy felt alone and contact her, she always stand by to hear what the boy said. few years later the boy broke up with his girl friend and it makes the boy feels alone for some times

as usual, the boy start contacting the girl again and they become closer and closer even much more closer than before. they have hang out together and the boy also deliver the girl to her house however it is very far from his house,maybe he just try to be a gentleman. the girl is too scared to fall again, she scared everything will be the same as before and she doesn't want to fall to the same hole TWICE. both of them almost text each other everyday for about two months.but "we can't close our heart to the things that we don't want to feel" so the girl try to open her heart and forget about the past. but in the third month, the boy change again. suddenly there is no communication whatsoever. and someone said the boy has already closer with another girl and they seem like each other.

from this story, does the boy only take the girl for granted?he never know what the girl's feel because the girl also never show it. it's like the boy plays with her heart without knowing what actually has happened. he just calls the girl when he needed something. actually the girl want to said everything about how it feels and what is in her mind, but she scared it will ruin everything.

we don't know what will happen later, but one thing that we should remember, karma is really does exist. and for the boy who read this post, first : don't ever taking the girl for granted. when she always there for you, you must be thankful for that! second : don't make the girl fall for you if you don't want to catch her and third : don't bring the girl too high if in the end you just drop her from that highest place because it really feels hurt :')

*the story is just a fiction from my friend's experience :D