Everything has become too far and it's so hard to go back to the beginning. If only i can choose, i also don't want to be in this situation but it has already happened, i have to face it. The feeling when you scared of your own feeling and always try to think if it is not real at all or maybe it is just for a while. But as the time goes by, it just getting harder to make this feeling disappeared. Am i wrong to have this feeling?Am i too easy to fall so i get lost? Everything is back to myself, it's my own fault. Should be no expectation from the beginning, indeed..indeed.. Now, something is missing and i don't have any rights to complain about anything. I should learn and get used to this kind of feeling :(
If only i could say to you directly, it will become a relieve for myself but how if it will ruin everything? So, i have to endure this. Just keep it inside, keep it inside. Hopefully it will go as soon as possible until everything will be back to normal. Someone said, it's unfair for me haha but nvm i'm happy with everything that has happened between us before. However it seems it will never ever happen again, i still got a lot of lessons that make me stronger and more mature. Because everything always change, right? Maybe you're right. I can't understand what you feel, i can't understand you at all. But, sometimes i think maybe the feeling that you feel to her is the same as my feeling to you. It's better to keep it inside and pretending nothing happened.
And honestly, i'm quite disappointed to know the truth that you never say to me. It really helps me if you said the truth from the beginning. But, i know you have your own reason which is i never know. I can't tell this to anyone. It just screwed in my mind all the time and i need to throw it all away here to makes me feel better.
Please don't get me wrong hahaha. I know we are better to be just like this. I don't get mad to you too because i have known you "quite" well hehehehe. I know you do not ever have any intentions to make me feel like this. I will try to handle this feeling and make it disappeared as soon as i can hahaha. And please don't be awkward or anything. Like as you said, the feeling just show up on the day that you write the post in your blog :)
Live your own life well! and good luck for the last last last exams in your school life hahahaha God bless :)
