"friends"

Hello, it's been a long time i haven't update my blog! This semester is superrrrrrr tiring. A week before submission, i always sleep only 1-2 hours. But thanks God, it almost over, just left one more month for the last project then going for internship and it will be the end of sem 4 :D

Actually today is the last day of the submission for all the modules that i had and i realized if i became an "unsociable" person. Almost of my friends say that, especially my high school's friends. Not because i don't want to play with them, but i just can't manage my time well :(
Usually, we always go together at least on the weekend but when i have a free day, i went to thailand for educational trip with my school. So, it almost two months i didn't go with them.

Today, i skip going with my school mates and chose to go with my high school's friends. It was fun! And i enjoy going with them. But, it also made me think about something. I didn't know what they said and the story that they talked about hahaha. So, i just keep quite and listen them talking. It's ok for me, because i know it was my fault not to manage my time with them but i don't know why i felt sad too.

Then it made me think about the word "FRIENDS". I don't know who is my best friends yet hahaha maybe people judge me as an extrovert person, but they don't know the other side of myself :P i do have a lot of friends, and i close to some of them. But, are they my BEST FRIEND or my GOOD FRIEND? One of my friends told me if i put a wall in front of myself that made others can't be in the inner circle of myself. "But, how do we know when to let someone in to deepest circles of our lives?" Maybe my past experiences really affects the way i thought about friends. They can be "BETTER" than your enemies. So, i think it's better to build the wall..

*but still wondering who will break my wall later hahahaa

the better one will definitely come

it's been a long time i don't think about my future

until that day comes...

actually, this is my one and a half year living in Singapore but i don't know why i feel so bored.

not because i don't like my school, but i just get bored to do the same thing everyday. you just go to school, do the things that the teachers ask you to do, go home and sleep. i love my friends and i love to live with both of my brothers together here and i think maybe that's the thing that make me feel "bored". sometimes i wonder to live in the far far away place where nobody knows me and nobody that i know. it will make me become more mature and independent as well hahaha 

suddenly, there was a good news...

i just know if my school can do the transfer credit to another university but you have to quit before the next semester start which means this semester is my last chance! if i quit from my school after i finished my fourth semester, i don't need to work here and the MOE will release me, there is no bond to work, and no need to pay the fine too! it sounds good, right? So i start to search some universities where i can transfer my credit there

i have given my transcript to one of the university in Vancouver, Canada. My transcript wasn't too bad :p so they said i don't need to redo my second year there. if i study there, i can continue directly to the third year (to finish the diploma) and one more year to finish my degree!!

unfortunately...

the application for the new admission has already closed just a few days ago. i just feel soooooo disappointed. if only i could turn back the time :(

sometimes i regret not to know about the transfer credit things from the beginning. i just missed one of the biggest chance to change my life :(

but, whatever that happened, i have to give thanks to Him! maybe this time is not the right time for me to go there. So from now on, i have to focus to finish my diploma in Singapore and i hope i can go to another country to continue my degree later. because i know He has the best plan for my life. the better one will definitely come (:

chasing pavements

what does hurt most?
trying to let you go and watching you with someone else or keep waiting about something that may never happen?
it's just getting harder and more hurt as well..
how i wish i could turn back the time..

"should i give up or should i just keep chasing pavements?
even if it leads nowhere"

I've made up my mind,
Don't need to think it over,

If I'm wrong I am right,

Don't need to look no further,

This ain't lust.

I know this is love but,

If i tell the world,

I'll never say enough,

Cause it was not said to you,

And that's exactly what i need to do,

If i'm in love with you,

Should i give up,

Or should i just keep chasing pavements?

Even if it leads nowhere,

Or would it be waste?

Even if i knew my place should i leave it there?

Should i give up,

Or should i just keep chasing pavements?

Even if it leads nowhere

I'd build myself up,

And fly around circles,

Waiting as my heart drops,

And my back begins to tingle

Finally could this be it

Should i give up,

Or should i just keep chasing pavements?

Even if it leads nowhere,

Or would it be waste?

Even if i knew my place should i leave it there?Should i give up,

Or should i just keep chasing pavements?

Even if it leads nowhere

Adele - Chasing Pavements

5cm

"Mimpi - mimpi kamu, cita - cita kamu, keyakinan kamu, apa yang kamu mau kejar, biarkan ia menggantung, mengambang 5 centimeter di depan kening kamu. Jadi dia ngga akan pernah lepas dari mata kamu. Dan kamu bawa mimpi dan keyakinan kamu itu setiap hari, kamu lihat setiap hari, dan percaya kamu pasti bisa.

Apa pun hambatannya, bilang sama diri kamu sendiri, kalo kamu percaya sama keinginan itu dan kamu nggak bisa menyerah. Bahwa kamu akan berdiri lagi setiap kamu jatuh, bahwa kamu akan mengejarnya sampai dapat, apapun itu, segala keingan, mimpi, cita - cita, keyakinan diri...

Biarkan keyakinan kamu, 5 centimeter mengambang di depan kening kamu.

Dan... sehabis itu yang kamu perlu cuma kaki yang akan berjalan jauh dari biasanya, tangan yang akan berbuat lebih banyak dari biasanya, mata yang akan menatap lebih lama dari biasanya, leher yang akan lebih sering melihat ke atas, lapisan tekad yang seribu kali lebih keras dari baja, dan hati yang akan bekerja lebih keras dari biasanya, serta mulut yang selalu berdoa..

Keep our dreams alive, and we will survive.."

5cm - Donny Dhirgantoro

good day

today is a good day!hahaha it always feels good to be home!! and here i am, writing this new post in my own room, in my home :D

however the flight has delayed for almost 4 hours, i still felt happy today..

first, something has made my day since morning. thanks :)

second, i meet my kindergarten friend whom i never meet for almost 14 years!!

i just felt so happy to meet my childhood friend..

so here the story...

i decided to go home with my best friend, jessica. she said her school friend also go home at the same time as us, with the same flight also. but, i think i won't know them because we are from different school. when jessica said their name, one of the names was so familiar for me and suddenly i remember one of my kindergarten friend who has the same name as him.i ask jessica if he was at the same school as mine or not and the answer is YES hahaha. so, i'm sure if he was one of my childhood friend..

i forget about his face but i remember the story about him

he came to my home with his bicycle and gave me a big brown teddy bear when i celebrated my 5th birthday. that's the memory that i remember about him..

oh btw, his name is adrian and there is anzel, a person who i just know today hahaha

and coincidentally, we went home together and meet today after 14 years has passed :)

when i told my mom about this story, she also forgot about his name. but when i said, the one who gave me a big brown teddy bear when i was 5, then she remember him hahaha. my mom even remember his mom, his sister, and his family. because his sister is the same age as my first brother too..

it makes me realize if time really flies so fast!!

and everything will be changed as the time goes by. now, i think "change" doesn't always consider as a negative thought. thank you for you who said this to me :)

jessica, me, adrian, anzel :)

a 14 years old teddy bear lol

random thought

Everything has become too far and it's so hard to go back to the beginning. If only i can choose, i also don't want to be in this situation but it has already happened, i have to face it. The feeling when you scared of your own feeling and always try to think if it is not real at all or maybe it is just for a while. But as the time goes by, it just getting harder to make this feeling disappeared. Am i wrong to have this feeling?Am i too easy to fall so i get lost? Everything is back to myself, it's my own fault. Should be no expectation from the beginning, indeed..indeed.. Now, something is missing and i don't have any rights to complain about anything. I should learn and get used to this kind of feeling :(

If only i could say to you directly, it will become a relieve for myself but how if it will ruin everything? So, i have to endure this. Just keep it inside, keep it inside. Hopefully it will go as soon as possible until everything will be back to normal. Someone said, it's unfair for me haha but nvm i'm happy with everything that has happened between us before. However it seems it will never ever happen again, i still got  a lot of lessons that make me stronger and more mature. Because everything always change, right? Maybe you're right. I can't understand what you feel, i can't understand you at all. But, sometimes i think maybe the feeling that you feel to her is the same as my feeling to you. It's better to keep it inside and pretending nothing happened.

And honestly, i'm quite disappointed to know the truth that you never say to me. It really helps me if you said the truth from the beginning. But, i know you have your own reason which is i never know. I can't tell this to anyone. It just screwed in my mind all the time and i need to throw it all away here to makes me feel better.

Please don't get me wrong hahaha. I know we are better to be just like this. I don't get mad to you too because i have known you "quite" well hehehehe. I know you do not ever have any intentions to make me feel like this. I will try to handle this feeling and make it disappeared as soon as i can hahaha. And please don't be awkward or anything. Like as you said, the feeling just show up on the day that you write the post in your blog :)
Live your own life well! and good luck for the last last last exams in your school life hahahaha God bless :)

a farewell message

dulllll how are you?it has been three years already haha. time flies so fast
seems like you have proven to me and to yourself that you are good at english :p
congratulation for you, becoming an australian man now hehehe
reminding the good old times when you always called me to teach you english
before our exam, you called me at night and always asked me to explain about it
we studied through phone until midnight hahaha
and when i got your exam to be checked, i had to change your answers so you wouldn't got a bad mark
such a coincidence that you also got my exam to be checked too
now, i believe you have already good at it. all becomes a good memory..

i know we will never go back anymore. you have found your mrs.right and i still on my way to find mine. congratulation for both of you, just heard about the news few days ago. long last dul :)
don't worry about me because i'm happy for both of you :)
thank you for saying i was the one that make you change to be a better man
i appreciate when you felt regret about everything that has happened to us
you don't have to regret dul, because you are becoming happier now and so am i :)
i believe that you have already changed, keep treating your mrs.right well!you have promised that to me haha
last time when we met each other was in my farewell party, so it has been more than a year i haven't seen you yet. hope someday we will meet and talk each other again like in the past as a good friend :)

take care in aussie!should be a diligent and successful person in your study, your life, and everything. don't forget to keep smiling, that's what you teach me to do whenever i felt down. and last, don't ever forget what we have been through together especially on that rainy day hahaha :p
let's keep our memories for ourselves. promise me!
thank you for making me smile
thank you for reminding me to read bible everyday
and thank you for the lesson and the memories that you gave to me
take care and good luck to you dudul jeleeeeeeeekkkkk
don't worry, you will always be my ugliest friend forever hehehehehe :)

still wondering why you put that sad face hahahaha